As no mice nor men planned our trip, we couldn’t have expected things to go so awry…

Having felt LUV in Lazio, it soon became clear why we left Campagna out of our trip’s anagram. We’d have been better off using the ‘C’ from Campagna with ‘U’ from Umbria ‘N’ from Napoli and ‘T’ from Tuscany to make something like….CorrUpTioN.

But before we get to all that, we spent an amazing 2 days in Rome to start our journey, 8 years since we last visited on Z2A, and the eternal city had hardly changed a bit. Excited at starting our bidet count on day 1, we set out to explore the city, and although Rome wasn’t built in a day, it was seen in one. With brand new shoes on and in 36 degree heat we wasted no time to wander ~20km around all the sites, taste street water from all the aqueducts and eat all of the pastas. James got to see the Trevi fountain in full use for the first time, competing with the work of art with his own waterworks, Lea got swiftly reintroduced to the Italian tradition of BYO toilet seats (clearly something we don’t have to thank the Romans for) AND we got to tour the basement of the Colosseum by night! At the end of the day, we learned 2 things: what does someone who hasn’t had enough cheese yet order as a wine to go with their cacio e pepe (cheese and pepper pasta)….Pecorino of course; and that James was already regretting bringing white ‘anything’ to wear.

From Lazio we made our way (slowly) to Campagna for a meticulously planned, busy, three days including Naples, Pompeii, Sorrento, Positano and hopefully Amalfi with some very dear friends. Then came:

• Our train to Naples unexpectantly (at the time…not so much now) stopped for over an hour;
• Our friends’ ferry from Sicily was delayed by 3 hours;
• We waited for them in our per hour paid chauffeured car before the were let off the boat (over an hour after docking);
• We got bumped from our hotel on arrival after carrying our bags up three flights of stairs;
• Our Sorrento restaurant booking didn’t want us;
• The restaurant we ended up at had exorbitant cover charges, added plates onto our table and demanded extra service fees;
• Our ferries from Sorrento to Positano, and Positano to Salerno were both cancelled due to a light breeze;
• We reverse bartered for a car as prices started at 120€, then went to 160€, 200€ then over 300€ as people got desperate and realised why there are no Ubers, the ferries don’t run and the buses only run once an hour from next to the taxi rank where the drivers knowingly wait;
• People in Sorrento ironically said “nice shirt” in response to my lemony attempts to fit in;
• I woke up in Positano realising the water I’d been hydrating with during the night was, in fact, limoncello;
• We were refused our first rental car in Salerno and then our second booking because it was too close to lunch!

Many of these situations make you realise what it spells it you remove the ‘L’ and shift the first ‘A’ to the end of Amalfi. It should have dawned on us earlier that some of these situations could have been easily remedied under the table…with cash! Not what you were thinking…although that would probably work too.

All in all, the lemons of the Sorrento peninsula were leaving a bit of a sour taste in our mouths, but, thankfully we were having such a great time with our friends(!)… And while waiting in the rain for a bus, one of them sprayed a full bottle of beer all over an unimpressed German lady in an act of physical comedy reminiscent of Mr Bean, thus making it all worth it!! NB: Some poor bloke next to us at dinner also had an entire glass of beer poured ALL over him by a waitress while on a postcard-perfect date night. I probably should have added that to the above list, but we laughed so hard it really can’t go onto our shit list…maybe his, although he handled it like a complete champion!

Having said all that, we had an amazing time! A lovely night in Sorrento with beautiful friends, finished on our balcony watching the super-blue moon rise and set, 2 great days with them wondering around Positano and spending time on yet more balconies with sea and mountain views, street drinking and laughing at the absurdity of the place before a very early and (as you may have guessed) very expensive taxi to Salerno to pick up our pre-booked car (see above) before continuing our adventure!

Some key take aways from this part of our trip:

• It is a striking contrast that in Rome, a city built slowly and meticulously over centuries, the road pavers still seem a bit cobbled together;
• The plethora of Maccas that seem to have popped up recently are surely an homage to the ancient Romans and their arches;
• It still feels ironic to be chased by so many wasps so near to the Vatican;
• Salads mean what they say: tomato salad in Rome = bowl of tomatoes; lettuce salad in Naples = plate of lettuce.