Well if they say one night in Bangkok makes a hard man humbled, we probably should have thought harder before booking 3 nights, as your unnamed author has rarely been described as hard…(Author: “might delete that.” Editor: “yeah, nah, leave it in.” Author: “…That’s what she said” *hand slapping own face emoji*)

On arrival in Bangkok, our initial impressions of our hotel were mixed – mixed between the feelings of an impending mugging and the more likely outcome of James breaking an ankle on/or in the steps/places where there weren’t holes of the construction site outside the entrance. Our room was literally on stilts over the Chao Praya, with windows facing along the river where we could watch colourful long boats and “resting” catfish float by amongst mountains of polystyrene, beer bottles and crocs (the shoes). There were 5 rooms and 2 communal balcony areas both in the open air looking over the river. We loved it!! In the end it was really an amazing pad, a great Thai….pad. Let that sit in your noodle.

On our first night we explored a vast amount of the town, joined together at the hip (Siamese style) in the back of a tuk tuk, we truly felt a connection. Maybe it was the mutual embarrassment of matching-food-stained-clothes, Lea from a disastrous goulash spillage on the plane and James from an <insert choice of food spillages 12 hours into the holiday>. As if trying to escape, my sweat-soaked shirt clung in vain to the pleather upholstery of tuk tuk number 23. A number James romantically suggested was easy to remember due to a cricketer sharing the same number, whose untimely end was sadly met in this town not too long ago…smooth. Probably a bit of a wrong ‘un of a suggestion, but would MJ, Le Bron, Dermie or Anthony Rocca have worked as well? Lea’s follow up suggestion of it being the year 2023 didn’t cut it it as it’s 2566 or something in the Thai calendar…The tuk tuk ride was a breeze, one of the last modes of public transport where you can fart without fear, as any evidence is soon removed. A perfect Buddhist design, this fart, too, shall soon pass as shall the times between farts (although it’s worth remembering that this is only day 1, after than you need to be more worried of what passes AFTER the fart…it’s not always happier, non-farty times).

We spent most of our time around China town (where we were staying), covered 10k plus of markets looking for sunnies to replace Lea’s that were left at home on the bed had broken en route; had a 4 hour walking tour of the city where our amazingly lovely guide almost fainted in the heat, from which she thankfully recovered to take us to Wat Arun and provide us with history, not only of the country, but the full story of Buddha. Which turned out to be enlightening. (NB: the pre-trip, massive weight gain plan was backfiring as it turns out all the Buddha statues here are of skinny/pre/just post enlightenment/pre-gorging Buddha!!! But no worries, we also learned that everyone’s skinny…when we die.)

A ferry ride along the river took us to the Grand Palace, for which (due to many factors, the last of which being our own ignorance) we could only find entry via a temple, but in the end we weren’t allowed in as it turned out that it’s me who wears short shorts and Lea was not allowed in with a shawl. But after seeing so many temples already, it gets a bit…so wat??

On the last day, James managed to have a stand up shower!!** A liberating experience for me, not being the cleaner, as the result looked like the scene from Psycho if you replaced Janet Lee with Frosty the Snowman. The decision to finally open the timber doors that allowed boat tours, fisherman and unsuspecting riverside breakfasters a viewing can only be put down to Bangkok-brain.

Despite the songs and movies, we actually stayed quite sober in Bangkok, it was Our Weekend Without Wine (OWWW), if you don’t count 3 mimosas at 6am Friday the weekend. So tough was it, we even got served crackers at our hotel when ordering a second, yes SECOND G&T in an RSA move Bangkok style. I feel like the world and Zach Galifinakis have been lying to us the whole time.

After all that, the key take away from our first Thai location, despite expecting a sensory overload and hectic city, was just how amazingly lovely all Thai people are. Whether it’s the predominance of Buddhism (less eye for an eye and more just be nice to start with mantra) allowing everyone to get along in harmonic balance despite religion, race or class, or that it’s just too hot to argue, I don’t know. But you’ll even get a friendly nod as they’re trying to run you over on “pedestrian crossings”, they’ll give an offering to multiple gods for you when you order something they know you shouldn’t and don’t giggle when they hear a local cover band playing a Natalie Imbruglia song. Not even the pervasive reminders to not stand on toilets or flush toilet paper can bring them down. Jokes aside (NB: some of these were intended as jokes), it takes a special people to make you feel so safe and relaxed in a city of 12 million people.

**Context: Our bathroom, precariously perched over the river, had a giant tub, no screens or shower curtains, a shower head at knee height and a chandelier on top that even Lea couldn’t fit under.

In case you didn’t read the intro, here’s a link:

https://europez2a.com/thailand-b2p/