Our North American adventure began in Palm Springs, which those keen geographers among you (singular) will know is NOWHERE NEAR FLORIDA!! Our friend, Ben, had the brilliant idea to rent a house out for the weekend for 8 Australian adults, one of those small new people and two toddlers. Both little girls were born stateside, and have developed little American accents that made them seem like the most confident people in the house. And as we cruised along the Californian highways into the desert it already felt like a great idea. An In N Out burger had Lea on cloud 9, so when she saw the store “ROSS: Dress for Less” she couldn’t help but laugh when James quipped, “do you think they have the option to buy the polos pre-wined?”

Our last trip to the US was an eye opener as we used our first AirBNB and Uber, but now things have gone to another level. Within 24 hours of arrival we’d contacted the AirBNB guy, the pool guy, the wings guy, the booze guy, the garden guy AND the weed guy. James thought it a bit odd that you needed both a garden guy and a weed guy…but…America. Right?

I don’t normally like to write about the various intricacies of the ablution facilities we…”encounter” around the world, but it would be remiss of me, when talking of where America is already great, not to mention where they should be focussing more effort on improving. Two things. 1s: why would you fill up the bowl so high with water that there’s no possible way to wizz quietly and 2s: to almost guarantee splashback.

It was a big first weekend. The kind of weekend where you need to wash it off and as you are you can’t tell whether the floss is bringing up copious amounts of blood indicating a weekend poorly spent, or just that missing bloody mary mix…indicating a weekend well spent. Although a ridiculous amount of time was passed drinking in the spa, drinking in the pool and drinking playing pool (a couple of near misses, but we avoided needing to call the ‘felt guy’), we did manage to get some touristing done as well.

Palm Springs has an awesome aerial tramway that ascends <insert impressive number> feet up the <google name of mountain> mountain where you are in an almost Yosemite-ish park, full of lovely walks and campgrounds, but where, to our delight, you can also buy beers and just look at pretty stuff. Unfortunately, it might have been the bloody marys acting up, as James forgot his wallet (therefore license) for this 3 hour round trip, inducing an immediate panic attack whilst driving! Luckily the sight of a sunburned ‘man’ struggling to breathe and stick to the right (both correct and spacially) side of the road in a black convertible Mustang with the top down loudly playing <insert USA based song like ‘Born in the USA’> didn’t attract the attention of the authorities. It’s enough to make you wander what is ‘probable cause’…right?? That high from that bit of luck was short lived, as while waiting for a wings order and having a beer, James was carded (sans wallet).

17 year old server: “Can I see some ID?”

James: “Sorry mate, don’t have my wallet.”

Pimply 17 year old: “That’s ok…sir.”

The other touristy day included a visit to the spectacular Joshua tree national park. We had some expectations of what we’d see in a park named after a U2 album, but to be honest I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. It really is an incredible park, but despite the many warning signs and guide rails in the cactus garden James managed to back into one, copping a little prick in the bum, which… <removed by editor> …and triggered James’ lifelong requirement to assure Lea that he’s smart in some ways. TBD.

One of the highlights of our weekend was, while watching a sunset over the mountains, seeing a rocket pass by and then exit the atmosphere. Completely by chance, but later research revealed it to be the latest Space X launch. Only in America.