Not long after arriving in Seville, we realised there was almost no market for barbers as so many people seemed to wear full length robes with pointy hats, thus avoiding the need for dedicated hair stylists and validating James’ decision for the $23 pre-trip-trim.

Being Semana Santa, the time where everyone dresses like they’re in the KKK and men carry floats of Mary and Jesus on their shoulders to make up for a year of misigony and adultery, Seville was extremely busy, but we did manage to score an AirBNB close to the centre of the old town. Good enough apartment, with the toilet the only draw back. First time we’ve stayed somewhere where the toilet is located slightly under the vanity top. Easy to get used to I guess, kind of like riding a horse…side-saddle. The larger you are, the tougher it was to use, but it beckons the question that if you’re small enough to fit under the bench, then surely the ability to swim is your main concern when stepping up to the seat…literally. So to use it you need to be small, but if you can use it you run the risk of being flushed…kind of like a catch 20-loo…….Anyway, we still don’t know how to use one, but the need for an optimally placed bidet must vary proportionally with the difficulty of in using the main event, as our bidet had full 180 degree swing room. So I guess the design made sense…

Sorry, that’s way too much potty talk. Let’s move on to floaters.  With so many processions around town, it became diffcult to avoid them and actually get a drink. People running all directions to see their favourite float and thus being annointed the name “floaters”…by Lea. Giving rise to the new business opportunity of an app to find out where these zealots were so you could get to your tapas bar, something like “pass the floaters” or “floater tracker” or “iFloater”.

The very food we were learning to avoid was the very first food we ended up trying: Anchovies. This awful food, elsewhere in the world, was made amazing by the fact the Spanish consider the terms Essential Oils and Essential Salts to be food groups used to enhance the flavour of anchovies, rather than ways to stop your house from smelling of…anchovies.

We loved Sevilla, with it’s Tapas bars and party atmosphere. We didn’t have many must sees, but wanted to see the Jesus float on Good Friday, which we totally nailed….

One tapas bar, which we obviously frequented too often, began to serve us shots of home made caramel vodka, then something that tasted like Throaties and then limoncello. I don’t know how he presumed to know us so well, but he’s now our favourite person in the world.

We saw the sights: the amazing Alcazar, the Cathedral, the Plaza de Espagna, Triana, the mushroom building thing, other stuff, and the Golden Tower. Not a typo, and not touching that one. However, sadly (??), we didn’t make it to the bull fight.

We went past the bull ring several times looking to buy tickets, when finally they were open, we hesitatingly went in only to be told, “SOLD OUT”. I’m totally serious. No bull. Given the ticket booth was open and there were 4 people working, I think they may have meant: “Sold out of tickets you mono-lingual peasants can afford”. Note to self: remember to next time pack a shirt with obscenely large horse, faun pants, sepia sunnies and proudly display gut rather than hide it. Because the best I could do was put on a red t-shirt and start walking the streets looking for our own bull.

Thank you, Sevilla, and your wax covered streets. You’ve set a standard that the rest of the trip will struggle to live up to! If any town surpasses you, just remember, revenge is a dish best served cold…just like your tapas.